I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I've seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do.
Then I watched as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with
each other. I looked at older couples and saw at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine
subjecting myself or someone else to such afate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence.They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight,and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them,when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well.
There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which the relationship eventually survives or fails. You need to find a way to see beyond the initial overwhelming sexual fascination.
Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most
heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible as regard to culture and religion plus moral obligations.
If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you
need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy,and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who did not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can becomebased on being critical together. After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect.
When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the
space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others, and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates. So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick "m" words carefully when I speak of miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There IS a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.
Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The
cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. Only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and to be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and if contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers.
LOVE
When I saw you..
I was afraid to talk to you..
When I talked to you.
I was afraid to hold you..
When I hold you..
I was afraid to love you...
Now that I love you.
I'm afraid to lose you..
Sometimes love hurts..
But if it doesn't hurt...
Then it isn't love...
Hold on 2 the person u love ...
Before they slip away..
Or else u can never get them back...
I was born when you kissed me.
And I died when you left me..
But I lived for the lives you loved me.
Until there was you.
I cried myself to sleep.
While I had you, I fell asleep with a gentle smile on my face..
Before I lost you, I worried myself to sleep..
Now that I know you're gone.
I sit up at night, waiting for you to come back.
THIS IS LUV
Life is short to waste on the wrong person.
It is better to meet the person
Who alwyas love you for yourself
And who will truly love you later,
Than meet someone beautiful
Who promises to love you
But only love for what you have
And sooner or later leave you forever.
Never try to impress someone
To make him/her fall in love with you
If you do you will be expected
To keep the standard for the rest of your life..
I just received an email from a dear friend very early this morning. The content may looks like something humourous but the message is kinda deep into penetration of some lessons of life.
Friendship is important in life...One can't just live on his own or by his own. Its always everyone will 
need someone in his/her life. They are so called 'friend'. A friend to share and comfort your soul when you need one. A friend to talk to... and a friend who listen. A friend to share your joy and sadness with. A friend to share your laugh and tears. A friend who rest his/her shoulder for you to cry on and a friend who dare to tease you for a sweet smiles on your face. A friend can be from ayone in your entire list of crowd. Your parent can be your good friend. So as your other family members.. or any one who is ever close to you. What a miracle if your life partner is your most best friend you ever had which you willing to share almost everythings together. That shall be concluded as... you're never alone in this world.
